The Flipped Switch

There's an App for That!

2012-01-23T18:12:00.002-06:00

“What’s happening?!” Barry exclaimed as he walked into the bridge.

“Life support just went offline! I’m trying to figure it out!” yelled his wife, Alice.

“Where is Drew?!” Barry ran to the console and began looking through the secondary console while Alice worked at the main.

“Drew…?!”

“Yes! Wasn’t he in here with you?”

“Ummm...yes, he was fiddling with his data pad, making a new app.”

“Ugh! What were you doing when it went offline?!”

Alice retorted, “I just stirred the oxygen tanks and the alarms just started freaking out! Barry, it makes no sense. I’ve done it a million times!”

Barry shook his head, “Isn’t that always the luck…it’s always the oxygen tanks. Did you do anything differently?!”

“No! Nothing out of the ordinary!! I just...”

Drew walked in.

“Hey! Did someone say my name? Look! My new app works!! It simulates life support emergencies…isn’t it cool?”
_

Wonder

2012-01-22T22:12:00.000-06:00

I sometimes wonder while I sit. It seems like such a small pleasure, to wonder. To ponder such depths of emotions and to come back up for air after only a few gasping seconds. What dreams await the lonely in spirit and the lowly of heart? What nightmares might crash into the reaches of one’s soul? It seems so easy to blink away the tears of regret…so hard to stop the onrush of heartache one swears will never end. Sitting. Sitting on a chair, relaxing one’s mind so as to wonder aloud silently. Creating in oneself space just to let God know He is welcome to enter. Then letting one feel the onslaught of the Spirit wrestling away control and setting oneself free. Free to wonder, free to feel, free to sit.

Free indeed.

Bewilderment

2011-11-28T20:32:00.000-06:00

I wrote this back in high school:

Your eyes, like fiery diamonds,
bring heaven upon me,
hair like silk, skin so smooth,
it tortures me, insane.
Your voice, so soothing,
calms me so crazy,
and in the midst of all this beauty,
I crumble.
_

Working Through the Spaces Between

2011-11-11T08:52:00.001-06:00

Resignation.

Have I given up?
Or am I lost?
Maybe I have just
Finally accepted
That which I knew to be
Inevitable.

Courage.

I admit that I
Was wrong in my
Thoughts and ideas
Concerning our
Relationship—
or lack thereof.

Perseverance.

I want to give up.
I don’t need this.
But indeed I will not
Lay down and die,
But I will press on
Encouraged.
_

Ruins

2011-11-02T08:52:00.001-05:00

My heart burns inside me with an intensity
found only within the ruins of my love.
The passion felt—unnerving,
and I fear it might consume me.
But for the light of Christ I am lost,
and with His love only will my heart be saved.
_

Heartache

2011-06-02T21:58:00.001-05:00

Who can say what happens in this crazy world of love?
One minute there’s a flash, the next a dying bulb.
To say I think too much is much too accurate,
As is thinking I’d so quickly get over it.

One might’ve thought there was chemistry abundant,
Looking around, listening to what seems apparent.
Still, you did not experience my feelings,
And now I suffer the pain of those dealings.

Now what is to happen? I think I have no clue.
Maybe peace and rest, but surely not so soon.
I’ve learned many things and now here’s my cue;
I will remain, always, forever…a true friend to you.
_

Tears

2011-01-21T12:51:00.003-06:00

Stars shooting, falling through the sky,
So many...many glistening,
Falling...falling, simply to die,
as though no one’s even listening.

Falling, always never...but ever alone,
Absorbed in the onslaught of the earth,
Dropping...crashing, and a little moan,
so small, just a flicker since their birth.

Because the darkness...darkness heavy,
Not often seen are they,
If one should see the broken levy,
take this time...this time to pray.
_

Prayer of Gratitude

2010-04-12T18:35:00.000-05:00

God, in what way should I express,
My gratitude for your holiness?
Though I feel I don't measure up,
It is You who continually fills my cup.
The thief will steal, kill, and destroy,
But You save us, change us, give us joy.
God, how can I convey,
That which I can't repay?
God, in what way can I show,
My gratitude…in ways I know?
_

Forgiven

2010-02-27T22:04:00.004-06:00

I don't feel forgiven—ever only needing it,
Like thoughts that become corrupted on a spit,
Not knowing who will pick me up,
Like an over-used and under-loved drinking cup.
What's the meaning of love anyway?
Sometimes all I can do is keep it away.
Does the Savior really know my name?
It might be a big reason why He came.
The Light shatters upon my soul like rain,
Washing away the senseless strain of pain.
Mistakes have been made, but made dim;
I am forgiven—ever only needing Him.
_

Spirit Battle

2009-12-21T23:44:00.002-06:00

I wrote this when I was 17 years old. Take note of the capitalization in this...it is for a reason. :) I have changed it a bit from the original, but I think the changes were necessary.

"Spirit Battle"

sixteen to seventeen,
running from the real,
fatherless expressions somehow take hold,
so i am left for naught.

looking for joy, for the happiness,
i am deceived and deceived.
but i feel You pulling at my heart,
locked in a battle within me.

one side to throw me in the front lines,
Another to lift me up and set me aside,
to fight the battle for me,
to protect and to enliven me.

i feel You tugging,
i cannot resist,
You make me full,
and with,
forever joy.
_

Emotion

2009-12-21T23:31:00.002-06:00

Before you read this poem, I must give the context. I wrote this while I was still in high school and before I became a Christian. I would say I was around 15 years old. I remember these feelings very well, and I think that it is good to show everyone what kind of emotions some teenagers go through...especially ones without Christ.

"Emotion"

As I sit here in solitude, it's crowded,
I'm being squeezed from all directions,
There's a voice in me screaming to get out,
But I push it right back down.
So much lying, deceit, and prejudice,
It's dark, with no hope,
"How bad has it gotten?" is conceded,
Nobody thinks of others.
And when everyone thinks I'm happy,
I'm being swallowed by pain.
_

These are the types of emotions I felt as a teenager without Christ. However, when Christ came into my life, these words really struck me:

"I remember my affliction and my wandering, the bitterness and the gall. I well remember them, and my soul is downcast within me. Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope:

Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, 'The LORD is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.'

The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him; it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the LORD. It is good for a man to bear the yoke while he is young. Let him sit alone in silence, for the LORD has laid it on him. Let him bury his face in the dust—there may yet be hope."

Lamentations 3:19-29 (NIV)

The Advent of the Cross

2009-12-18T10:52:00.001-06:00

Did you not see?
Have you not heard?
It has been finished,
But it is still the beginning.

The blood, the pain!
The screams, the cries!
The Savior has died,
But has only just been born.

The witnesses run away.
The whips crack on hard hearts.
The nails have been driven,
But wait till the third.

Looking at sweet innocence,
Listening to soft whispers,
Angels have declared His glory,
Emmanuel has come!
_

Emotions

2009-12-13T00:44:00.001-06:00

Emotion runs upon the highways of our hearts,
never knowing if traffic will slow or stop.
Often it flies with little imagining or intimidation,
but never it seems, without evaluation.

It is the blanket of the soul that keeps us warm,
that affection that seems persistent and good.
But beware if it drowns you with debating evil insanities,
for if it does, you’ll sink under profanities.

Trust once built up can be destroyed beyond repair,
Maybe we shouldn’t listen ever again.
But if one day our intricate hearts become enraptured once again,
Lord, guide our feelings down the path without the pain.
_

Failings of a Wounded Heart

2009-12-09T23:51:00.001-06:00

I am not quite sure when I wrote this, but it was a while ago. Really, I just found it on my computer and figured I would post it.

"Failings of a Wounded Heart"

Through the misty rains I fail to grasp,
That light of day just away from me,
What becomes of me,
What becomes of you,
I cannot seem to unite,
Though I fear the night that falls,
Though I cannot see,
I will trudge on.
With no hope it seems I will.
Sorrows, sorrows, all around
In the air, all consuming,
Trapped, without remorse,
With much repentance,
With much remorse,
Forgive that which I am,
That evil that stirs my heart,
For I am just a man,
With no hope,
No, none.
Feeling, need to feel,
Need to trust,
Can’t bear,
Embrace me, mold me,
Make me whole,
In another world,
Hold my spirit,
Complete.
_

Transition

2009-10-03T00:34:00.000-05:00

Write what is holy.
Scream His good news.
Live to glorify a Name.
Bow to Jesus of Nazareth:
The Christ, Messiah, God Himself.

Forget yourself for once.
get out of the way.
Obey for your sake.
Love your neighbors:
for their sake, lay down your life.

Endeavor righteousness.
Love His ways.
Teach the commands of God.
Love the Lord your God:
reveal His majesty to the world.

_

Repentance

2009-10-03T00:31:00.002-05:00

A call. A call to return.
The Lord brings justice in His wake.
He will not tolerate
the sin man craves to accept.
True repentance leads—
leads a person to the Lord
for forgiveness a person must—
must crave righteousness.
No longer slaving to treachery,
serving now love and faith and hope.
A slave to Christ who—
who calls you to be new.

_

One More Chance

2009-09-26T21:49:00.001-05:00

One More Chance

Have mercy, on me O God.
according to Your steadfast love.
Let your mercy blot out my sin,
Wash me thoroughly,
Wash me thoroughly.

I wanna see with my own eyes.
To see You glorified.
I wanna know that I’m still loved.
To be able to love and be loved.

I know all my offenses.
My sin is ever before me.
Be justified in Your words.
Teach me wisdom again,
Teach me wisdom again.

I wanna see with my own eyes.
To see You glorified.
I wanna know that I’m still loved.
To be able to love and be loved.

O God of my deliverance,
Renew a right spirit in me.
Restore the joy of your salvation
Cast me not away,
Cast me not away.

I wanna see with my own eyes.
To see You glorified.
I wanna know that I’m still loved.
To be able to love and be loved.

You do not delight in sacrifice!
except for a broken soul,
a shattered contrite heart,
You will not despise,
You will not despise.

I wanna see with my own eyes.
To see You glorified.
I wanna know that I’m still loved.
To be able to love and be loved.

_

Not Enough Time

2009-09-02T13:32:00.002-05:00

So I have written a little about my new project. Unfortunately, it hasn't gotten much attention this summer. Of course, on top of it all, my computer crashed. Luckily, I had it saved elsewhere, or I would have lost it all. I'm at a place where I feel a little stuck and unsure how to proceed. I have two ideas...one that would have launched the story right away, and one that will help character development. I will likely use the second idea, but I still need to work through it all.

My problem now is finding time to get all the things I want to get done, done. Hopefully I will have a decent rough draft done by the end of the year, but that may be optimistic.

Unfortunately, the person I asked to edit it has moved to a job outside of the company I am currently at. This will make the revisions take a little longer, but I am confident that they'll get done and get done soon.

As of right now, I am planning a trilogy. While I do not have the individual names for the books, I do have the series title: The Pheonix Tear.

I will try to post updates periodically.

Godspeed.

Flip

Dreams

2009-07-28T23:40:00.002-05:00

One thought from a dreamer’s dream dreamt my dreams to sleep.
Still, the dreams I’ve dreamt dream as dreamers dream;
and the dreams we dream, dream not to be compared.
Awake my dreams, and dream not to sleep again.

_

My New Project

2009-05-06T17:39:00.002-05:00

Hey Everyone...or just one,

So, I've started a new project. It is a fantasy novel that I've had in the back of mind to write for some time. I had started one previous story, only to lose interest and ultimately, nothing really got written. Now I've finished a very rough draft of my first chapter, have begun a prologue, and I'm in the middle of planning the rest of this story. I've begun to figure out where I want it to go, but nothing is set in stone yet. If you want details, you'll have to talk to me in person and I'll fill you in. If you want to help me, let me know, and I'll see if there is any way you can.

Have I flipped my lid?

Well, someone had to, it might as well be me.

Godspeed.

Flip

Every Thought Captive

2009-04-08T12:47:00.000-05:00

Lately, I’ve been depressed a lot. Doesn’t make much sense to me…sure there are a lot stressful things in my life, but overall things are good. But it makes me wonder why I feel so…bad.

I realized that in my own life that whenever I am in an extremely good mood or have something good happen to me, I hit a major low shortly thereafter. It usually hits me that very same night and can last anywhere from a few hours to a few weeks. So I had a really good weekend, but now I feel like I’m a mess.

There is a reality beyond our empirical senses. It consists of angels and demons and spiritual warfare. And be certain of this: it is war. There are subtle ways to wage war, however…like suggesting to your opponents that they are in some way inferior for the role they have been assigned. These thoughts must be held captive. Throw them away and be who you’re supposed to be.

Have I flipped my lid?

Well, you decide.

Godspeed.

Flip

Enigma

2009-01-26T22:14:00.003-06:00

Energizing the mere thought,
Now I find I must strive,
Into the unknown, headlong I dive,
Going to find what is sought,
Mention of grace draws me to You,
And God, I praise You for making me new.

_

Ramifications

2009-01-15T15:38:00.001-06:00

Well, here I am once again with my musings and thoughts, and today I have been thinking about eternity. Well…that’s half-true. What I am really thinking about are the eternal effects of the choices we make and the things we participate in.

Let me start off with a story. When I was younger (and still from time to time, now), I used to play videogames with intensity. I subscribed to the videogame magazines and yearned for the newest, coolest game. I often found myself staying up late into the night, eyes fixated upon the television screen. I lived for the continuation of the story-line or the next high score.

What a waste.

When did we start putting more stock into the virtual world than we did the real one? Don’t get me wrong, videogames are not inherently evil. Like I said, I still play. But I know that they are temporal and will be replaced by the newest, coolest thing this time next week. Actually this goes for all of our worldly desires. Whether they are sports, sex, videogames, or even scholarship, they will all dissolve away. While they do bring enjoyment for a time, they cannot bring everlasting joy.

That can only be found in our Lord Jesus Christ. Because once you die, you can’t bring your X-box, football stats, or even your new fob watch with you. What have you done today for God’s glory and His alone? Or…have you only done things that have made you feel better? Serving other people is good, but why are you doing it? Maybe it is because you love them. Great! But love without Christ is an incomplete love because He is love.

Look to Him and Him alone for your fulfillment. It is never too late to turn back to Him. He loves you and will take you back. He offers love and forgiveness…but most of all, He offers Himself. Spend some time today and get to know Him. You’ll be glad you did.

Have I flipped my lid?

Wait a minute, that’s why I can’t close the pickle jar!

Godspeed.

Flip

Life & Love

2009-01-09T02:12:00.002-06:00

My heart it seems is slow
like Molasses screaming,
at a Steady pace of flow,
But it can't stand the unceasing scheming.

Heart’s velocity to a still,
Burning for a lasting voice,
What matters? What’s needed? What Will?
All that’s left is a choice.

Happenings—prospects, not odds,
Irregular thinking for the soul,
Surrender yourself not to gods,
But to Christ who would have you whole.

_

Anger Management

2008-12-23T12:43:00.002-06:00

I was watching T.V. last night and the movie Anger Management with Adam Sandler came on. It's about a guy who has anger problems because he lets people walk all over him and his journey through an over-the-top anger management class.

This got me thinking about dealing with anger in constructive ways. This issue hits home because I feel like I have been dealing with a lot of anger lately. It has been difficult for me to just let things go. This has led to some relationships of mine to become strained. Now in some instances, the anger has been justified...but not all, and holding onto anger is never appropriate. So what are some ways to release this tension?

A great way I have dealt with my anger is by immersing myself into a story. It is a great way to get your mind off of a subject and onto something else so you don't end up brooding. For me, many times, this will take the form of videogame playing or reading a good book.

I will warn, however, that this can become dangerous. Make sure that you don't lose touch with reality. Sometimes, by becoming involved in a fictitious world, you can become obsessed with it and every waking moment is filled with thoughts of leveling up your character or what will happen next to the hero.

Also, you shouldn't use this method to run away from your problems. Use it to help you cool off? Sure. Use it so you don't have to deal with an unpleasantry? No.

Finally, and most importantly, is the subject of prayer and giving it over to God. This is not easy, but it is vital. Pray about your problem. Ask God for a solution and ask for wisdom in discerning how to deal with it. Also, ask God for a compassionate heart so that you might not get angry again. Don't let the sun go down on your anger...don't let it fester. Deal with the problem. You will find that you'll feel a lot better.

Have I flipped my lid?

WHAT?! HOW COULD YOU ASK SUCH A STUPID... *cough* Umm...sorry...no, I haven't.

Godspeed.

Flip

Is it worth it?

2008-12-19T15:42:00.001-06:00

So now I have decided to pose the question. If anyone reads this, feel free to give your thoughts.

Is marriage worth it? I mean, there are many reasons to remain single. Not only would a person have the independence that being single provides, but also the flexibility for ministry. A person wouldn’t have to worry about pleasing his spouse or worry about presenting her as holy and blameless before the Lord. It’s difficult trying to remain holy by one’s self, let alone trying to keep another holy. Plus there are a bunch of annoying things you have compromise on…and…you get in-laws. But seriously, without a spouse, you are forced to become independent, and that is a good thing.

At the same time, marriage brings about a lot growth. There are things that a guy would keep doing, if not for his wife telling him to stop. A person can see different aspects of God in his spouse that he might not have seen before. She can spur him on in his faith…and more than that, he has the privilege of doing the same. Not only that, certain desires are met that would just lead to sin otherwise. Spouses can cover each other’s weaknesses and really help in ministry. Also, marriage can be joyous—you may take joy in each other (I don’t just mean sex). That’s spectacular.

These lists are not meant to be comprehensive, but just to provoke thought. Myself, I am not entirely sold on the thought that marriage is worth it. I might meet the woman of my dreams…and she would be worth it. Getting to know God more is worth it. To be married just to be married, or just for sex…that’s stupid.

Have I flipped my lid?

4 out of 5 psychiatrists agree that I am.

Godspeed.

Flip

Discerning God’s Will

2008-12-15T16:52:00.002-06:00

As many of you know, I have been looking for a new church. As a result of this, I have been trying to discern God’s Will. And this led me to the inevitable question: How do I discern what God’s Will is?

I joked with a friend of mine that God has often used beautiful women to speak to me. While I did say it in jest, there has been an air truth to that statement in my life. Now I say this just to illustrate that people can speak God’s Will to you. God will often use people you respect. However, you must search the Scriptures to ensure that what they are telling you is truly Godly advice. As Acts 17:11 says, “Now these Jews were more noble than those in Thessalonica; they received the word with all eagerness, examining the Scriptures daily to see if these things were so” (ESV).

Also, has the Holy Spirit given you a peace about a certain direction you should head? I went to one church for a while, but I felt nothing but anxiousness and drudgery while there. I didn’t feel good about it at all. Thinking I may be under spiritual attack, I tried to persevere, but it wasn’t so. The anxiousness and drudgery continued. I made the decision then that it must not be the place for me. I then tried a different church where I knew no one and that I found on the internet. While I was nervous, I felt great being there, and a certain joy comes over me when I’m there. I have a peace about it. I’m excited to do God’s work there. I have only gone to a couple services, but I am fairly certain this is where God will have me.

Now while these two ways certainly are not the only ways God speaks to his people, I do think that these are great starting points. And always….ALWAYS search the Scriptures to seek God’s will and confirmation. I guess that should have been first…but I almost take that to be a given. Keep praying for guidance.

Have I flipped my lid?

Probably.

But if I am crazy, then I am crazy for the glory of God.

Godspeed.

Flip

Devotionals

2008-12-12T17:28:00.003-06:00

I've heard it said that we preach best what we need to learn most. I think that's true. I also think it applies to our devotional time. Our devotional times are best when what we are studying is what we need to learn most.

Many times people get burnt out with their devotional time. I know I do. Reading my Bible and trying to memorize Scripture turns into a chore that we just don't want to do. So what do we do during these times?

My suggestion? Take a break. Now, I don't mean that you should take a break from your devotional time. Just take a break from what you have been doing. Do something different. If you have been memorizing Scripture, take a break from it, and start writing poetry. Sing praises to God. Pray. But change things up a bit. God doesn't want you to get burned out. Hey, you could even read a fiction book (It might sound strange, but I know of a good series that felt like a devotional time each time I opened it up)!

Spending time with God--that's the most important thing. Just make sure what you do for your devotional time helps you become more devoted.

Have I flipped my lid?

Maybe.

But I think it's important to look at things a little differently sometimes.

Godspeed.

Flip

Walk

2008-12-12T07:44:00.005-06:00

I find myself walking,
Further, deeper, to find
What I don’t know.
The quest too long for anyone,
has taken me hostage.
For it must be found,
that which is lost within.
Too opposing forces
and gone.
Continue to hunt,
Continue to seek,
That Will,
that will consume me,
and have me righteous.

_

Blindness

2008-12-10T21:26:00.000-06:00

There are signs men don’t find,

helpful—nor even too kind,

“If such things exist,” they say,

“They are subtle and aren’t paid much mind.”

Thoughtless eyes plaguing them may,

Distort what should be seen as clear as day,

Forcing them to become what they should be,

But making them crawl along the way.

Guys are blind, they rarely see,

The woman in front of them wanting tea,

And though they themselves may hold the key,

It might take a while for them to drop the knee.

High School Thoughts

2008-12-10T21:21:00.000-06:00

I wrote this after a very heated debate with a very adamant atheist during my senior year of high school when I attended Anoka-Ramsey Community College. I've done some slight editing, but here it is. Now I do not think you can debate someone into believing in God, but we must be ready to give a defense:

"Thoughts on Debating"

I’ve learned a lot lately. Whether or not what I’ve learned, I’ll put into practice awaits to be seen. I know this though, also, that without good speaking skills and such, I’ll never get through to some. Without good debating skills, it will be a shot in the dark. Even then, some will reject, some will accept, but I must have passion. I don’t know what is in me, other than God, but I know that war is there and that it must be fought. Why else did God choose to make me? We all must fight, especially me. I don’t mean with fists, but with hearts and minds. Words….words must be used to express feelings of disagreement, disgust, and agreement. I need to always point people to God, without getting emotions stirred too high. God has called me to front lines, and there I must go. It seems I always picture myself with a double-edge sword fighting demons off into the abyss with God’s help. But is that what really happens? I mean, I don’t have a literal double-edge sword, but I have fought in battles. Spiritual battles have been fought many times and they must be. But one must not forget to never apologize for your beliefs, never. But if approach is wrong, you must apologize for offense. One simply can’t go up to another and say, “You heathen!! You’re going to hell!!!” No, that would be the wrong approach and offensive, even if it is true. No, in all things we must be humble and we must not waiver. For if we waiver, we can never show the truth.

I’m not saying I’m perfect and that I don’t sin, because everybody sins. It’s human nature. Unfortunately we are imperfect people, born into sin. Well, should we apologize to people for the sins we’ve committed? I would say, “Yes, of course.” But we should not apologize for being a Christian. What we must be are cities on a hill, where people can see God’s light shining from us.

But what if we debate people? Debating is good, it helps develop character, faith, and speaking skills. I have debated many times. Most people, however, have not been what I’ve wanted them to be when they were over. Maybe some people could be offended, or you could be offended, or your faith could be drained big time. If a question has been posed to you that you may start to doubt because of it, find the answer. Find the truth, look at both sides. You may be pleasantly surprised at what you find. But please do not harden your heart so much that you feel you should not find the answers to tough questions, because people will ask about them. You will always have to give an answer for the faith you have. You can answer theologically, personally, or logically.

However you do it, however, you must always do it in love. But how can you do it in love when the person you are speaking to isn’t speaking to in love? I would answer, “Very carefully.” For that is what is right. Choose your words carefully, not to upset the other. Try not to interrupt just to make a point. But also smile to them. Showing that you care is a big deal, it means that you don’t hate them and you aren’t persecuting them. I have gone through many of these things and know that even if it supposed to be a friendly debate between to people, it can become a heated argument if everything is not toned own a bit. Have a mediator if need be. But always be what Christ wants you to be, even if you are being persecuted. For it will happen. God’s Word says it will. God’s Word knows it, so read it and find out.

Welcome

2008-12-10T19:13:00.001-06:00

Sometimes I wonder if I've flipped my lid. Now you may ponder that question with me.