Forgiven

I don't feel forgiven—ever only needing it,
Like thoughts that become corrupted on a spit,
Not knowing who will pick me up,
Like an over-used and under-loved drinking cup.
What's the meaning of love anyway?
Sometimes all I can do is keep it away.
Does the Savior really know my name?
It might be a big reason why He came.
The Light shatters upon my soul like rain,
Washing away the senseless strain of pain.
Mistakes have been made, but made dim;
I am forgiven—ever only needing Him.
_

Spirit Battle

I wrote this when I was 17 years old. Take note of the capitalization in this...it is for a reason. :) I have changed it a bit from the original, but I think the changes were necessary.

"Spirit Battle"

sixteen to seventeen,
running from the real,
fatherless expressions somehow take hold,
so i am left for naught.

looking for joy, for the happiness,
i am deceived and deceived.
but i feel You pulling at my heart,
locked in a battle within me.

one side to throw me in the front lines,
Another to lift me up and set me aside,
to fight the battle for me,
to protect and to enliven me.

i feel You tugging,
i cannot resist,
You make me full,
and with,
forever joy.
_

Emotion

Before you read this poem, I must give the context. I wrote this while I was still in high school and before I became a Christian. I would say I was around 15 years old. I remember these feelings very well, and I think that it is good to show everyone what kind of emotions some teenagers go through...especially ones without Christ.

"Emotion"

As I sit here in solitude, it's crowded,
I'm being squeezed from all directions,
There's a voice in me screaming to get out,
But I push it right back down.
So much lying, deceit, and prejudice,
It's dark, with no hope,
"How bad has it gotten?" is conceded,
Nobody thinks of others.
And when everyone thinks I'm happy,
I'm being swallowed by pain.
_

These are the types of emotions I felt as a teenager without Christ. However, when Christ came into my life, these words really struck me:

"I remember my affliction and my wandering, the bitterness and the gall. I well remember them, and my soul is downcast within me. Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope:

Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, 'The LORD is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.'

The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him; it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the LORD. It is good for a man to bear the yoke while he is young. Let him sit alone in silence, for the LORD has laid it on him. Let him bury his face in the dust—there may yet be hope."

Lamentations 3:19-29 (NIV)

The Advent of the Cross

Did you not see?
Have you not heard?
It has been finished,
But it is still the beginning.

The blood, the pain!
The screams, the cries!
The Savior has died,
But has only just been born.

The witnesses run away.
The whips crack on hard hearts.
The nails have been driven,
But wait till the third.

Looking at sweet innocence,
Listening to soft whispers,
Angels have declared His glory,
Emmanuel has come!
_

Emotions

Emotion runs upon the highways of our hearts,
never knowing if traffic will slow or stop.
Often it flies with little imagining or intimidation,
but never it seems, without evaluation.

It is the blanket of the soul that keeps us warm,
that affection that seems persistent and good.
But beware if it drowns you with debating evil insanities,
for if it does, you’ll sink under profanities.

Trust once built up can be destroyed beyond repair,
Maybe we shouldn’t listen ever again.
But if one day our intricate hearts become enraptured once again,
Lord, guide our feelings down the path without the pain.
_

Failings of a Wounded Heart

I am not quite sure when I wrote this, but it was a while ago. Really, I just found it on my computer and figured I would post it.

"Failings of a Wounded Heart"

Through the misty rains I fail to grasp,
That light of day just away from me,
What becomes of me,
What becomes of you,
I cannot seem to unite,
Though I fear the night that falls,
Though I cannot see,
I will trudge on.
With no hope it seems I will.
Sorrows, sorrows, all around
In the air, all consuming,
Trapped, without remorse,
With much repentance,
With much remorse,
Forgive that which I am,
That evil that stirs my heart,
For I am just a man,
With no hope,
No, none.
Feeling, need to feel,
Need to trust,
Can’t bear,
Embrace me, mold me,
Make me whole,
In another world,
Hold my spirit,
Complete.
_

Transition

Write what is holy.
Scream His good news.
Live to glorify a Name.
Bow to Jesus of Nazareth:
The Christ, Messiah, God Himself.

Forget yourself for once.
get out of the way.
Obey for your sake.
Love your neighbors:
for their sake, lay down your life.

Endeavor righteousness.
Love His ways.
Teach the commands of God.
Love the Lord your God:
reveal His majesty to the world.

_

Repentance

A call. A call to return.
The Lord brings justice in His wake.
He will not tolerate
the sin man craves to accept.
True repentance leads—
leads a person to the Lord
for forgiveness a person must—
must crave righteousness.
No longer slaving to treachery,
serving now love and faith and hope.
A slave to Christ who—
who calls you to be new.

_

One More Chance

One More Chance

Have mercy, on me O God.
according to Your steadfast love.
Let your mercy blot out my sin,
Wash me thoroughly,
Wash me thoroughly.

I wanna see with my own eyes.
To see You glorified.
I wanna know that I’m still loved.
To be able to love and be loved.

I know all my offenses.
My sin is ever before me.
Be justified in Your words.
Teach me wisdom again,
Teach me wisdom again.

I wanna see with my own eyes.
To see You glorified.
I wanna know that I’m still loved.
To be able to love and be loved.

O God of my deliverance,
Renew a right spirit in me.
Restore the joy of your salvation
Cast me not away,
Cast me not away.

I wanna see with my own eyes.
To see You glorified.
I wanna know that I’m still loved.
To be able to love and be loved.

You do not delight in sacrifice!
except for a broken soul,
a shattered contrite heart,
You will not despise,
You will not despise.

I wanna see with my own eyes.
To see You glorified.
I wanna know that I’m still loved.
To be able to love and be loved.

_

Not Enough Time

So I have written a little about my new project. Unfortunately, it hasn't gotten much attention this summer. Of course, on top of it all, my computer crashed. Luckily, I had it saved elsewhere, or I would have lost it all. I'm at a place where I feel a little stuck and unsure how to proceed. I have two ideas...one that would have launched the story right away, and one that will help character development. I will likely use the second idea, but I still need to work through it all.

My problem now is finding time to get all the things I want to get done, done. Hopefully I will have a decent rough draft done by the end of the year, but that may be optimistic.

Unfortunately, the person I asked to edit it has moved to a job outside of the company I am currently at. This will make the revisions take a little longer, but I am confident that they'll get done and get done soon.

As of right now, I am planning a trilogy. While I do not have the individual names for the books, I do have the series title: The Pheonix Tear.

I will try to post updates periodically.

Godspeed.

Flip