Sid's Confession

My name is Sid.

I have a confession.

I stole the cookie from the cookie jar.

I know I wasn’t supposed to and that it would ruin my dinner, but I did it anyway. It just looked so good and delectable. How could any sane person resist?

What I think every person seems to fail to realize is that every good cookie needs a good cookie jar. And, every good cookie jar deserves a good cookie thief to steal from the good cookie jar. Are you following me?

I am the good cookie thief.

I steal good cookies from that jar all the time, and it was only recently that my deeds have been discovered. I have been at this job for years and no one ever seemed to realize.

“Why?” you ask?

Simple. It is a coping mechanism. You see, I am blue…depressingly blue. When I come to this realization day after day after day, I just need something that makes me feel normal. Something that brings joy to millions of people…I need that.

I need cookies.

It’s amazing what cookies can do for a person who is blue. I don’t think you realize what effect they can have. I can scarcely imagine what they can do, until I eat another.

Euphoria.

Some might call this an addiction. Some might say that I need help. I disagree.

I just need more cookies.

Think about it for a second. I mean, really stop and think. There is a reason why boys and girls throughout the world go nuts when their teachers bring in cookies for the class. There is a reason why after a hard day at work, the sweet gooey aroma just seems to relax a person.

Cookies have powers that are beyond our comprehension.

So I guess this all begs the question, “What kind of person would deny the power of the cookie to those who might need it most?!”

You might think me a monster for stealing the very thing that can bring such joy to people. Maybe you’re right. Maybe I am a monster.

But that label won’t stop me from eating more cookies.

Hello, my name is Sid…

…and I am the Cookie Monster.

_

There's an App for That!

“What’s happening?!” Barry exclaimed as he walked into the bridge.

“Life support just went offline! I’m trying to figure it out!” yelled his wife, Alice.

“Where is Drew?!” Barry ran to the console and began looking through the secondary console while Alice worked at the main.

“Drew…?!”

“Yes! Wasn’t he in here with you?”

“Ummm...yes, he was fiddling with his data pad, making a new app.”

“Ugh! What were you doing when it went offline?!”

Alice retorted, “I just stirred the oxygen tanks and the alarms just started freaking out! Barry, it makes no sense. I’ve done it a million times!”

Barry shook his head, “Isn’t that always the luck…it’s always the oxygen tanks. Did you do anything differently?!”

“No! Nothing out of the ordinary!! I just...”

Drew walked in.

“Hey! Did someone say my name? Look! My new app works!! It simulates life support emergencies…isn’t it cool?”
_

Wonder

I sometimes wonder while I sit. It seems like such a small pleasure, to wonder. To ponder such depths of emotions and to come back up for air after only a few gasping seconds. What dreams await the lonely in spirit and the lowly of heart? What nightmares might crash into the reaches of one’s soul? It seems so easy to blink away the tears of regret…so hard to stop the onrush of heartache one swears will never end. Sitting. Sitting on a chair, relaxing one’s mind so as to wonder aloud silently. Creating in oneself space just to let God know He is welcome to enter. Then letting one feel the onslaught of the Spirit wrestling away control and setting oneself free. Free to wonder, free to feel, free to sit.

Free indeed.

Bewilderment

I wrote this back in high school:

Your eyes, like fiery diamonds,
bring heaven upon me,
hair like silk, skin so smooth,
it tortures me, insane.
Your voice, so soothing,
calms me so crazy,
and in the midst of all this beauty,
I crumble.
_

Working Through the Spaces Between

Resignation.

Have I given up?
Or am I lost?
Maybe I have just
Finally accepted
That which I knew to be
Inevitable.

Courage.

I admit that I
Was wrong in my
Thoughts and ideas
Concerning our
Relationship—
or lack thereof.

Perseverance.

I want to give up.
I don’t need this.
But indeed I will not
Lay down and die,
But I will press on
Encouraged.
_

Ruins

My heart burns inside me with an intensity
found only within the ruins of my love.
The passion felt—unnerving,
and I fear it might consume me.
But for the light of Christ I am lost,
and with His love only will my heart be saved.
_

Heartache

Who can say what happens in this crazy world of love?
One minute there’s a flash, the next a dying bulb.
To say I think too much is much too accurate,
As is thinking I’d so quickly get over it.

One might’ve thought there was chemistry abundant,
Looking around, listening to what seems apparent.
Still, you did not experience my feelings,
And now I suffer the pain of those dealings.

Now what is to happen? I think I have no clue.
Maybe peace and rest, but surely not so soon.
I’ve learned many things and now here’s my cue;
I will remain, always, forever…a true friend to you.
_

Tears

Stars shooting, falling through the sky,
So many...many glistening,
Falling...falling, simply to die,
as though no one’s even listening.

Falling, always never...but ever alone,
Absorbed in the onslaught of the earth,
Dropping...crashing, and a little moan,
so small, just a flicker since their birth.

Because the darkness...darkness heavy,
Not often seen are they,
If one should see the broken levy,
take this time...this time to pray.
_

Prayer of Gratitude

God, in what way should I express,
My gratitude for your holiness?
Though I feel I don't measure up,
It is You who continually fills my cup.
The thief will steal, kill, and destroy,
But You save us, change us, give us joy.
God, how can I convey,
That which I can't repay?
God, in what way can I show,
My gratitude…in ways I know?
_

Forgiven

I don't feel forgiven—ever only needing it,
Like thoughts that become corrupted on a spit,
Not knowing who will pick me up,
Like an over-used and under-loved drinking cup.
What's the meaning of love anyway?
Sometimes all I can do is keep it away.
Does the Savior really know my name?
It might be a big reason why He came.
The Light shatters upon my soul like rain,
Washing away the senseless strain of pain.
Mistakes have been made, but made dim;
I am forgiven—ever only needing Him.
_